Dear One,

Ever feel like there is something you know in your heart you must do to take care of yourself, but even the mere thought of doing it or speaking up about it feels impossible, flooding you with fear and self-doubt? Do you find yourself going through an extensive list of all the people your need would inconvenience, followed by inner conversation with your most self-defeating voices reminding you of just how “selfish” you must be to even consider such a move?

The voices call for you to be a “team-player”, to not “rock the boat”, to not risk embarrassing yourself by putting what you need out there. But another set of voices, from your Soul and Spirit, beckon you to honor the need(s) you have, reminding you that your desires and needs matters.

So many times we give into the side of us who pleads for us to simply play along, play safe, or not get into the game to begin with. It’s better, the voice pleads, to be “good” and make the other party comfortable. (Note: I think this especially true for women, who are groomed from cradle to grave to believe that being a ‘good, likeable girl” who doesn’t argue or make waves is the most important quality to have.)

But what is the consequence of giving into the cruel voice inside, to society at large, or to a boss or partner who is unwilling to hear your deepest needs or urgent desire?

Quite simply, a part of you withers away. In that moment, a little lie is told. Your Spirit feels a wounding, your Soul tries to speak but feels silenced, and your Heart sinks in disappointment and resignation.

And over time, with each little lie, your life loses its sparkle. The path forward gets murky. Passion shifts into a general sense of unease. Your Spirit takes a beating, and your soul, using the vehicle that is your Body, desperately tries to get your attention and get you back on track to your truth. Your Body, the Wise Companion that he or she is, begins to speak louder and louder through symptoms. You then have the choice to head the call or give the Body Companion no choice but to sound the alarm louder and louder until you do.

For the other party, its no skin off their back- you didn’t rock the boat and business can continue as usual. However, ultimately there’s a huge price you pay- Body, Mind, Spirit, and Soul.

But what might happen if you actually DID advocate for yourself? Would the world fall apart if you owned your truestet needs and desires as essential?

Sure, you might piss off a few folks. You might even lose a few of them as friends or allies, or as your lover. The difficult truth is a big relationship could fall apart.

But here’s what “they” fail to tell you about the unexpected consequences of actually following your inner guidance, of advocating for yourself and for your truest desires.

[click to continue…]

Dear One,

Happy Spring! I hope that this new season has brought a feeling of hope, fire, and a take-charge energy after not only a winter of hibernation, but a year that called all of us to look deep within in ways we could have never imagined.

As Mother Nature makes her grand displays of new life in bloom, we are prompted to also embrace these themes of renewal and revival, both internally and externally, in our own lives.

So much of renewal is dependent on cleaning and clearing out. Before we can add in what we desire, we must take an honest look at what needs to go, what is no longer serving us, what has been blocking us- physically, emotionally, spiritually. We have to first create the space for new blessings to come.

In life’s infinite wisdom, we have the Lunar Cycle to support us in this ongoing cycle of releasing and creating.

Each Full Moon gives us a portal to take an honest look at a particular area of our lives and make a conscious choice to release, complete, and put to rest what feels stagnant and/or heavy in that arena.

This Sunday March 28th, at 2:48 pm EST, the first Full Moon of Spring is in Libra, which highlights and calls for us to examine our relationships, partnerships, and the need to find balance/fairness within them. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t desire for their relationships (romantic or otherwise) to be more fulfilling, connected, or enlivened. But again, in order to create MORE, we must each be willing to honestly reflect on what has not been working, what old stories around relationships we are holding onto, and where our partnerships have become out of balance.

In my work as an Eating Psychology Coach, relationships (and the health or dis-ease within them) play a pivotal role in not only how my clients are relating to their bodies and to food, but also their sense of feeling connected, seen, and supported in their lives. Relationships are a huge component of the work we do together, and, contrary to common belief, play a far higher role of importance than the food that’s on their plates.

They are the ultimate source of nourishment, for it is only through the dance of relationships with the other that we can truly experience the fullness of ourselves, of love, and of life…and experience ultimate wellness.

As beautiful as relationships are, they can also be ripe with pain, vulnerability, and fear. Based on our past experiences and programming, we can unconsciously bring our habits, beliefs, and tendencies into our partnerships, and without even realizing we are doing it, taint them the very poisons we long to distance ourselves from.

How do we begin to let go of our past stories and let in the love we truly desire? How do find the balance and fairness we need to give and get for a healthy relationship to flourish?

Here are some key questions to ponder in the light of the Libra Full Moon:

1) What stories about relationships/partnership did I grow up hearing or internalizing based on what I saw in front of me?

4) In what ways have my relationships become unbalanced? Am I giving too much? Taking too much? How can I work to make sure both parties are being seen and heard?

Once you’ve reflected on these questions, list what you are willing to release. For example,”I am releasing the limiting belief that being vulnerable in a relationship is not safe” or “I am no longer going to diminish my desire for more _____ (affection, sex, connection, etc.) in my relationship with ______.”

Of course, one major relationship that we must always be giving our attention to is the one we have with our own Body. Using these same questions and releasing statements in connection to your relationship with your Body can be extremely powerful and healing . For example, reflect on how you have internalized limiting beliefs about what your Body had to look like in order for you to be loved or how your feelings about your Body might be limiting you from feeling safe to love or experience touch/pleasure. Consider where you might want to give your Body more fairness, compassion, or self-expression.

Once you are done with your reflection work, you can symbolically let go of the beliefs, thoughts and feelings that have been weighing you down by burning (safely) what you wrote or tearing up the paper and throwing it away. You can even say a little mantra while you do this; for example, “Letting go of what no longer serves me, I am free to create the love I desire.”

Remember, all relationships are in constant flow and renegotiation. By being willing to look more closely at where our relationship with our partner, new love interest, family members, or even our Body Companion need to be rebalanced and where old love residue is taking up space, we can create fertile ground to plant new seeds of love. Doing the work is not always easy, but it is deeply fortifying.

If I can support you in this or in other self-development work, don’t hesitate to reach out. Sometimes the support of a coach can make a world of difference.

Happy Full Moon, My Dear!
XO,
Anita

Dear One,

In the midst of an ever increasingly volatile political and societal climate, we are hungry to find refuge, direction, sense, and learn resilience….and a way to stay in the light even when so much darkness permeates. We struggle to balance the needs of the world at large with the ones of our inner world. We are hungry to find our voice in a world that almost seems to thrive on silencing it.

With a storm circling around us, as well as the ever present demands that life/family create, we become ever more susceptible to losing ourselves, our connection to our desires, and the ability to create a life that feels authentic, sustainable, and emotionally rich and fulfilling.

Our soul-life can feel like a luxurious after-thought, with so much more “important” matters on deck….but I can assure you 100%, it is not.

It is vital, life-giving, life- affirming, life-altering.

What we need, perhaps more than ever, is to not push down the Wise Self and put off the work of watering of the soul-life, but rather to breathe life into and resurrect La Que Sabe, The One Who Knows, also known as the Wild Woman within.

The world needs us more than ever and beyond that, you deserve to cultivate a life that speaks to, honors, and listens to your deepest needs and insights of your body, spirit, heart, mind, and SOUL.

Without Wild Woman, all efforts to be of service and to live fully become fruitless When a woman is without a soul-life, when her inner world feels deadened, the world as a whole suffers greatly, with no greater victim than the woman herself.

It is time to gather in sisterhood, to have conversations that deeply matter and nurture us, and learn from the timeless teachings that are here to provide the refuge and insights we seek.

And it is for these reasons, and the fact that this body of work saved me in the midst of one the darkest and unstable times in my life (and continues to light the way), that I have created a class to dive into one of the most important bodies of works of our times, especially for women.

With great pride and excitement, I am opening up the doors to a brand new class LIVE here in Los Angeles, beginning October 30th, Women Who Run With the Wolves- The Class.

Image by Dimitra Milan

Over the course of 6 class meeetings, we will discuss the first third of WWRWTW in depth, discovering the motifs, hidden meanings, and lessons within each story, and uncovering tangible, real-world application of these feminine archetypes/stories to begin changing your life and understanding of yourself in profound, lasting ways.

In addition, there will be exercises and teachings from the Singing Over the Bones training, a course in which I was a mentee and received my facilitator training in with Dr. Estes.

This course is designed to work best as part one of a series of three, with the remaining chapters of WWRWTW to be covered in the subsequent courses in the series.

Light snacks will be provided.

Meeting Dates : Tuesday Evenings, 7-9 pm.

October 30

November 6, 20

December 11, 18

January 8

[click to continue…]

Just a friendly reminder that we are about to close registration for our 2018 Pleasure Path Retreat to Lucca, Italy (a beautiful city in Tuscany!!)

If you are interested in joining us, please take a look at our sister site, www.pleasurpathretreat.com and feel free to email me at Anita@Anitaavalos.com.

We can’t wait to meet you next month!!