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I just returned from 6 of the most amazing days of my life, fulfilling a long-time desire to learn from the one and only Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, the famous author and psychoanalyst who is best known for her groundbreaking work Women Who Run With the Wolves.
(Note: If you don’t own this book, please order now!! It will change your life 🙂 )
I can’t really put into words what the experience was like or what exactly happened to me last week as a result of it. But what I do know is that the best way I can share my experience is by going forth and teaching this work to all of you.
And really, it comes down to the power of story.
At the heart of what we learned was how to take stories (including the ones that we dream at night), lay our lives against them, and learn how the stories we have heard for the 1st or the 101st time apply to our own psyche, soul, and lives.
One story I wanted to share with you today is The Wolf of Gubbio, and to show you how powerful this simple story can be when you frame it against your own life.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard it before, but in case you haven’t, I’ll give you the quick and to the heart version.
Long ago, in the city of Gubbio where St. Francis lived for some time, there was a wolf who was terrorizing the town’s people, ferociously eating them and their animals alike.
What can I say, my dear….
I’m still reeling back from the high of last weekend!
Turning 40, surrounded by friends and my sweet mom, was a beautiful memory I’ll forever treasure.
And I think one of the best parts about all of it is that internally, I feel a shift, like a new chapter is opening up. I feel proud and excited to say I’m 40!
But this feeling didn’t just happen because of the magic number...
The last two years have been pivotal in me really beginning to live my dreams and cultivate life as I want it, not the way I thought it should be or the way I was told would make me happy.
Maybe you can relate, but I grew up believing that success/happiness at 40 meant a husband, kids, a house I owned, and having a lot of stuff. (To be honest, I thought I had to have that at 30!!)
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. If I had met the right guy and we walked down the aisle, had some kiddies, and bought a house all before 40, I’m sure it would have been amazing.
But it didn’t go down like that…
And if I kept letting that be the measuring stick for my happiness and “success”, my 40th birthday would have been a reminder that I failed big time.
After my engagement fell apart in 2014 and I was not so successfully dating in the years after, I did start to panic a bit…40 was approaching and I was still single…no kids, and no home I owned either. So I had to ask myself a big question a couple of years ago and it was this:
“If this story isn’t turning out the way you thought it should, what dreams do you need to stop putting on hold? If it’s just you, what is the new dream? What have you kept putting off doing?”
The biggest answer was travel and living abroad.
This might sound overly dramatic, but I feel like there was life before my first trip to Italy in 2016 and life after. It opened me up in such a way, I have not been the same.
Then last year, I took another leap.
Organizing my first retreat to Italy and restructuring my life so I could spend 2 months there scared me to my core…but it was worth every risk! It seemed inconceivable just a couple of years ago, a dream I would just write down year after year without fruition….and then it really did happen!
Now by the end of 2018, I will have spent at least 3 months of this year in Italy!!!
Is my life perfect now because I went to Italy and stayed there for a spell?
Umm, no, not by a long shot.
BUT…
I am a much more vibrant woman with a lot more confidence in myself.
And I see things very differently.
Less “either/or” and more “yes/and”.
And as for the other dream of marriage/kids/etc.?
Well, I don’t know if it is the cards for me or not, but I know I will be happy either way because I really see now that I can have a complete and happy life no matter what as long as I am good and true to me.
And I’m appreciating the freedom my life provides. I’m realizing that marriage/kids/house doesn’t guarantee a happy ending anyway…but nurturing your soul and filling your life in a complete way is a vital to happiness.
I think my confidence in myself, my full life, and the fact that I have taken the pressure off myself to get it all locked down by a certain time, actually makes me a way cooler woman to date now anyhow! 🙂
That first trip to Italy and all the “go with your gut” moves I made after that shifted my life in ways I never would have imagined.
This is why I am sooo excited about the possibility of taking you with me on the next Pleasure Path Retreat happening September 15-22 in Tuscany.
Travel and saying yes to your life are gateways to change.
I’ve created an entire experience for you to have your very own “turning point” (whether you are single, married, or just blissfully in love!), to get back in touch with what lights you up, to have a grand adventure in the most beautiful country, and to have SO MUCH FUN with a small group of incredible women.
Come visit HERE to learn alllll about it!
We have just 4 spaces left and I’d love for you to come!
I’m here to answer questions, concerns, etc,, so don’t hesitate to write me back and ask or set up a time to talk.
I hope if this is intriguing to you, if your heart is saying “I wanna go!”, you’ll follow that nudge.
Life begins on the edge of the nudges we follow…I can’t imagine turning 40 had I not followed mine.
Sending you love and thanks for being in my world,
Anita
“Questions provide the key to unlocking our unlimited potential. Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” -Tony Robbins
Last Friday, I woke up with a sinking feeling in my chest.
A twinge of sadness and a slightly unreasonable feeling that I was missing the 2018 boat. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic being that it was just the end of the 2nd week of the year, but I had this horrible feeling that I (already!) wasn’t making enough headway towards my goals.
But just as I was about to go head first into my anxiety, the words “ask better questions” popped into my head.
Many years ago, I had heard that phrase from Tony Robbins and, time and time again, it has been incredibly helpful in moving me forward when I have felt stuck.
Why are better questions so powerful?
Think about it…when we feel stuck, negative, or defeated in any area of our lives, we often ask ourselves counter-productive questions that keep us focusing on what isn’t working as opposed to what is working, how we can use our current situation to move us forward towards our desired outcome, and how we can improve our environment to support our vision.
For example, that negative self-talk might have us asking ourselves problem-focused questions like, “Why is this happening to me again? Why do I always screw things up? When are things going to change?”
Asking better questions, such as “How is my current situation preparing me for my next big step? What or who can I ask to support me towards my goals?”, shifts us towards a solution and looking for the silver-lining in our situation.
Better questions= a more productive use of our time and energy…and PROGRESS!
And so, in that spirit, I got still, quieted my mind, and before I knew it, 2 really good, transformative questions filled the space that just moments before my anxiety was inhabiting.
In fact, these two questions provided such a powerful shift for me, I put them on a post-it so that I make a point to ask myself them every single day.
Ready to have your shift?
I filmed this short video minutes after these two questions came to mind. Here’s hoping they will get you back into forward motion!
So tell me, how did answering these two questions shift your day and what you are focusing on?
How might focusing on asking better questions keep you moving towards your goals?
As always, I’m sending you all my love and my best wishes for an amazing 2018!!
The saying goes, “you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.”
And though I often agree with this, I’ve also seen time and time again that when we don’t get what we want, we often reach for the closest thing to fill its space.
In the world of Eating Psychology, we call this reaching for a Symbolic Substitute.
Simply put, it’s the thing we reach for in place of the thing we really want, need, and often believe is unavailable to us.
The thing is, it makes total sense…yet can often keep us from what we truly desire.
Understanding how Symbolic Substitutes work can help us create greater peace and pleasure with food and our bodies.
In today’s video, I give you a deeper understanding of Symbolic Substitutes, the connection they have with food and dieting, and what you can do to get what you REALLY want and need.
I would love to know your thoughts. In the comments below, let me know how Symbolic Substitutes have effected you and what you can do now with these new insights.
With love,
Anita
Dear One,
If you are in the U.S., I hope you had a very Happy 4th of July.
(Don’t forget our Body Freedom Beach Day on 7/9..see end of this post for that!)
It’s that time of year when the theme of Freedom is top of the mind for us.
And while that typically is about feeling free and being free in our home country, I also tend to relate it to feeling free in our Body Home.
To me, there is no more important place to cultivate a sense of freedom than in one’s own skin, in one’s self.
Because when we feel free within ourselves, we get to experience life fully. We get to experience the unique, amazing wonder that it is to have a body and every beautiful sensation that comes with that. We feel connected to our spirit, to our soul and with that, we feel the drive to give our gifts to the world. We shine our light, our love, out and onto those who come into our world. Life is richer when we can enjoy the body we are privileged to have.
But…
In order to cultivate that freedom, we must be willing to let go the things that keep us in chains.
And one of the things that has been top of my mind lately, one of the things that keeps our Body Freedom at bay, is the way in which we as a society feel entitled to discuss each other’s bodies, especially when it comes to one’s weight.
How many times have you experienced someone commenting on your weight when they see you, either that you’ve gained or lost weight?
How many times have you experienced the comment “you look great” followed by a comment about your weight or the question “have you lost weight”? (Which really means we equate “looking great” with “losing weight”.)
How many times have people asked you about what you are eating or what kind of exercise regimen are you on because of your appearance? Or have you also experienced someone suggesting a diet you should follow to lose weight?
I can tell you that I’ve experienced all of the above.
